Disrobe, It is the Maker's Will
by TBM1
Summary: To reach the ashes of blessed Andraste, the Warden and her companions must submit to a rather awkward request in order to cross the flames of the final challenge. Morrigan is less than pleased; but Oghren couldn't be any happier. A parody of the final Andraste challenge, and a sequel to Mating Rituals.


_**Author's Note: This is a sequel to Mating Rituals, using the same Warden that appeared in that one-shot. Enjoy this goofy parody of the final challenge of Andraste ;)**_

Morrigan looked at the Warden with wide yellow eyes. Surely she had misheard the woman; she must've. There was no way that they could possibly have to do such a thing to get to the blasted ashes of Andraste. "We have to do what?!"

Layla Cousland looked up from the plaque that she had read from to meet Morrigan's shocked amber eyes. "It says it right here, Morrigan. In order to safely cross these flames and get to the ashes, we have to remove our clothing and weapons. Something about being born anew in the sight of the Maker…" She trailed off, looking back down at the worn inscription thoughtfully.

The witch's jaw dropped. "No, surely you are fooling with us!" She stalked hastily forward and pushed the Warden aside, ignoring the "Hey!" that she gave at the unwarranted assault. Her yellow eyes quickly scanned the worn inscription on the stone, confirming what Layla had said. She whirled around to point an accusatory finger at the Warden as if she had carved the inscription. "I will do no such thing!"

Layla rolled her amber eyes at the witch. "Oh come on, Morrigan. It's not even a big deal. We will still have our underclothes on!"

The witch glared at her. She had the sudden urge to push the Warden into the flames…or maybe set her ablaze with her own magic. "I care not! I will not take off my clothing in front of you fools!"

The Grey Warden gave a suggestive grin as she appraised the witch. "And why not? You've nothing to be self-conscious about, I assure you."

"I second that," Oghren put in, giving his gravelly chuckle and appraising the witch lecherously.

Morrigan's cheeks flushed with anger and the sudden feeling of being too exposed. She crossed her arms over her chest and gave the grinning Warden, Oghren, and Leliana, an icy glare. "That! 'Tis exactly why I will not do it! You and the dwarf and the skinny boy are looking at me like…that! 'Tis most disturbing!"

The Warden and Leliana exchanged a smug look. "I can assure you that Leliana is not a boy, Morrigan. I thought you saw that the other night?"

Oghren gave another gravelly chuckle. "By the stone did I see…oh yes." The dwarven berserker's eyes glazed over with the memory of the Warden and Leliana's show. He swayed slightly, as if he would faint again.

Leliana blushed slightly, a small giggle escaping her lips. Morrigan flushed an even deeper shade of red as her rage grew. "How could I forget? You had every blasted fool in camp leaving your little show and crowding my private camp! Zevran and Oghren still haven't stopped talking about it!" She pointed a long finger at the aforementioned dwarf. Now would be a really good time to try some of the ways of killing the two women (and maybe Oghren as well) that she had imagined that night…

Leliana giggled a bit louder, causing Morrigan to glare at her with increased intensity. Stupid skinny bard…

Layla grinned widely at the witch, "Come on Morrigan. It's no big deal! You've already seen Leliana and I, and it's not like Oghren has never seen a woman in her underclothes before."

Morrigan gave a hiss of annoyance. "Oh he has? He definitely had me fooled, what with the way he acts like a Mabari in heat every time a woman is in his proximity!"

"Hey! You like the attention! And don't act like you don't have feelings for me, witch. After all, I'm the only suitable man in camp! You hate Alistair, Stone knows that you don't want Zevran's diseases, and...well the other is a Qunari. That leaves me as the only option you got!" Oghren gave a self-satisfied smirk, sure that he had shown Morrigan his infallible logic.

Morrigan rolled her amber eyes, crossing her slender arms over her full chest. "I'd sooner take my chances with the Qunari."

The Warden snapped her fingers in front of Morrigan's eyes to interrupt her glaring at Oghren. "Okay, okay. You've had your lovers spat, now can we just get this over with?"

The witch slapped the Warden's hand away from her face and recoiled like it was a snake poised to strike. "Do not put your hand in my face! I have seen where it touches that skinny boy!"

Leliana turned nearly as red as her hair due to Oghren laughing and the Warden barely holding back her giggles. "Morrigan, I am well aware of what Layla and I do and I understand that our…orientations may make you hesitant to undress in front of us, but it is the Maker's will! We must do this to get to the ashes of Blessed Andraste."

Morrigan turned her back to the trio and shifted uncomfortably in her robes. "You blasted fools and your Maker…I grow tired of these games. If any one of you so much as look at me, I will set you on fire!"

…

The four stood awkwardly in front of the flames, stripped of their armor and weapons. Leliana tried her best to keep her eyes away from the others, only daring to look at the Warden, who appeared to be trying to do the same. Morrigan stood to the Warden's left, Oghren beside her. The dwarf had undressed even faster than the women, despite the heavy armor that he had been wearing; his gravelly giggling the whole time had made the trio of women rather uncomfortable. The witch glared into the flames, and the others could've sworn that they seemed to burn hotter under her unrelenting glare.

"At least it's not cold in here?" Leliana offered, giving a weak smile at the Warden.

The Warden blushed deeply, "Yeah…it's a little too warm really. Anyone else hot?" She fanned awkwardly at herself.

"Stone…I am more than hot!" Oghren muttered gravelly, appraising the three women around him and awkwardly leaning on his axe so that it covered his lower body.

Leliana's blue eyes drifted over to Morrigan's scantily clad form, seemingly on their own accord. The witch's underclothes were definitely less modest than her own or Layla's. "Umm…yes. It does appear to be a bit warmer in here!"

The Warden's eyes unconsciously drifted over to the witch, appraising her before resting on her stony face. "You warm, Morrigan?"

Morrigan turned to glare at the Warden. "I told you not to look at me! You bloody fool!" She crossed her arms over her chest, only succeeding in giving herself even more cleavage.

The Warden's eyes settled on her chest and she quickly shook her head. "Maker! I'm sorry Morrigan!" She took a step back with her hands raised as the witch moved toward her threateningly.

"You filthy woman! Stop ogling me!" The witch's gaze surely would've set the Warden ablaze, if she could shoot her magic out of her eyes.

The Warden shook her head and continued to back away, directly towards the flames. "Don't call me that Morrigan! That's doing the exact opposite of making me want to stop ogling!"

With that, Morrigan slapped the Warden hard enough for her to fall into the flames. As soon as she realized what she had done, the witch gasped and backed away in horror, expecting the smell of sizzling flesh to fill the air. She and Leliana stood near the shell-shocked Oghren, wearing expressions of panic.

But the sizzling never came. The Warden sat up with the flames harmlessly bending around her form, looking down at them in pure shock. "Andraste's ass! I thought I was going to die!"

Leliana turned to Morrigan with pure rage replacing her expression of shock. "I thought she was going to die!" A well-placed backhand had Morrigan falling into the flames beside the stunned Warden.

The witch looked up at the bard with fury. "You dare to slap me? Skinny boy, I will kill you!" With that, she pulled Leliana into the flames, wrestling with her and giving cries of anger as she and the bard fought for dominance.

Through all of this, Oghren stood, propped awkwardly against his axe. His eyes were wide as he took in the scene before him. The Warden trying to pull Leliana off of Morrigan as the two slapped at each other, flames surrounding their scantily clad, shiny bodies. "Stone…it's all…too much…" The dwarf swayed unsteadily before falling face first into the flames, attracting the attention of the three warring women and making them freeze.

"What's wrong with him?" The Warden asked from her awkward position, looking down at the other two women. She had an arm around Leliana's waist, trying to pull her off. The bard had a fistful of Morrigan's hair, the other hand at the witch's neck as she straddled her. Morrigan shrugged at the Warden's question, not removing her sharp nails that dug into Leliana's hips.

"I couldn't imagine what could've made him faint like that…wait…" Leliana trailed off, looking down at Morrigan.

As they realized what their position had looked like to the dwarf, they scattered away from one another before pulling a passed out, yet grinning, Oghren out of the flames.


End file.
